In The Name Of Love

Yesterday I read an article about a woman from Las Vegas that was dating this man she met on Match.com. Apparently things weren't going well so she broke things off. A week later he broke into her garage, waited for her to return home and when she did he stabbed her mutiple times in the face and upper torso. His reason for doing this was because she rejected his love. Now I know that this has happened numerous times and unlike in this situation the person usually dies but what I don't understand is the reasoning behind it.

Love can be a powerful emotion. It is the driving force behind so many aspects of our mere existance. But is it so closely mirrored by hate that people confuse the two? I say that the love is used as an excuse in most cases. This is what I believe because I can't fathom how an emotion that allows me nurture my boys, provide a shoulder for my friends, and fiercely protect those who mean the most to me can also drive me to turn around and kill them.

I have lost a child, a mother, and my brother so I believe that I'm well aware of the pain that death causes. Therefore to use love as an excuse to murder someone has got to be the biggest load shit I have ever heard. Now on the other side of this there is the fact that love can make you almost manic about someone. Especially when it comes to losing that person, no matter how they might exit your life. But in that state if you are not of a strong, rational, and spiritual mind that's when love becomes obsession.

Here is a powerful and beautiful song that to me if taken at face value is about a man being in love with a woman. However, this woman doesn't love this man back and he has no misconceptions about this fact. So in my opinion this song is really about his obsession with her, but hey that's just me.

Django Unchained is AWESOME!

As the movie started my thoughts were all on Jamie Foxx. As a HUGE fan of his movies, music, tv show and comedy I am always ready for his latest endeavor. But that doesn't cloud my judgement overall. There are a couple of movies that Jamie Foxx starred in, that shall remain nameless, that I thought left alot to be desired. Django Unchained is not one of those movies. In typical Quentin Tarantino style this movie is brillant, from the directional style to the acting. Although there are some really strong scenes that racially almost moved me to tears, there is also a humor to the situations. The story moves fast but holds you until the very last scene. Each of the characters inspire emotion, so vivid and engaging as you journey to the Candyland Plantation in search of Django's wife Broomhilda.

The all-star cast includes Jamie Foxx, Kerry Washington, Leonardo Dicaprio, Samuel L Jackson, and Christopher Waltz. There are additionally special appearances by the director himself, Quentin Tarantino and Don Johnson.

As usual Tarantino provides lots of action packed violence complete with gory blood scenes. Yet with the backdrop of passionate human emotions like love, hate, friendship, and the will to survive this movie ultimately rocks.

As with most Tarantino movies, Django Unchained isn't everyone's cup of tea. I think it's brillant and entertaining. But hey, that's just me.

Fashion Picks - 1/14/13

You can never go wrong with denim for an everyday look. Paired with a solid color tote this outfit is perfect for running errands, attending class, or just hanging out.

A marriage made in fashion heaven of bluegreen & silver. This outfit can be worn on your date to the movies or for your first day at work.

My pick of the day! Sexy, yet stylish this outfit speaks volumes for the diva that's wearing it. So loves this concludes today's winter fashion picks. Check in tomorrow for more of my style picks & fashion obsession. I love clothes, shoes, and purse so much.... But hey, that's just me.

Everything Has Changed

Love is great. You fall in love and everything and every time you are around the person you feel, for a lack of a better word, high. He makes me happy, then sad, then paranoid, and ultimately angry. Don't judge, cuz you have not heard the comeplete thought. I get angry at myself. To let someone be the trigger for so much emotion is dangerous at the VERY LEAST. To love someone completely in my experience is reckless. Still I think "Why do I have to be so cautious with my heart?" I don't want to be. I love who I love because I feel and have evidence that he loves me back. Although its crazy that I need evidence that is where I am in life. I've learned a few things in my life. And that I am more than sure of, my boys = love, my father = love, my sisters = love, my brother = love, my aunts & uncle = love; after that I have a select few who are without saying and that few starts with my god kids. Unfortunately for the rest I am only being honest when I say I don't know. "There are not many things in life you can be sure of" ~ Everything Must Change - Oleta Adams I am all for change, loving him this way has been a change. Still, some things would be better, if they stayed the same. But hey, that's just me.

Once I was told that I couldn't’ be loved by anyone else because of the flaws and the things that I had been through had caused me to become someone that was hard to love. The craziest part is once I heard those words it seems like I started making that prediction come true. Every time I found a man that seemed to love me, I found a way to destroy it. I even got a nickname that told of how I ruined lives. Sadly, I started to not care if my relationships went very far because I was convinced that they couldn’t even if I wanted them too.
See my biggest hang up was being hurt and appearing desperate. Not to blame one person, but at one time I was very trusting and loving. If I loved you, I gave you my everything, period. Then once upon a yesterday, I gave my all and the heartache I suffered for doing so hardened me to the point that I woke up one day and I did not recognize myself. Loss of a dream, loss of a facade, love loss that you realize might not ever been real, those are some powerful things to go through.
So here I am, wanting and willing to put all that hurt aside. My reason? I want to be loved. I want to be able to show love, to be a loving person again without worrying who’s going to take advantage of my love. For me this is an exhausted subject because no matter how many times I try to get back to my true nature I cannot. I’m too scared, too broken.
The thing is I think I have what I want and therefore I don’t want to mess it up. But how do you stop a train wreck? How do you tell your own heart that it’s ok to put the shield down when it stopped listening to you so long ago that it probably would not recognize your voice to begin with? I wish I knew the answer, almost as much as I wish I knew simply how to let go of the hurt and pain that caused me to be this way in the first place.
I’m not going to give up though. I can’t, not as long as I choose to live life to the fullest. For what’s a life without love? Intimate, personal, meaningful, sacred love. I don’t know and frankly I am not the least bit curious in finding out. But hey, that’s just me.

Opportunites Unlimited

On April 26th I walk across the stage at Davenport University's main campus in Grand Rapids, MI and I will OFFICIALLY have my Associates degree in Marketing. Although that in itself is truly exciting, it also puts a lot of pressure on me to get and be better at marketing my debut album “Can You Hear Me Now?” and at branding my name. Although I have learned so much and each day I try to use the marketing principles that I have learned I still have yet to reach the momentum that I need to be successful.
I am an independent artist and I believe that I am extremely talented; however there are thousands of extremely talented people in the world. I am starting to believe that prioritizing and finding the right people to support and work with you is key. The thing is in my efforts to be all that I can be,I have found those types of people are far and in between.
Less than a month ago I lost a close and dear friend of mine and he was at the beginning of his life. His death has made my need to succeed even deeper because I am faced with my own mortality. Not only that, it made me want to be remembered for something great. It would be awesome to become a mega-super star, but I am more concerned with sharing my music with the world.
I feel that I am a highly intuitive person, in addition to being very expressive of human emotions. When I sing I translate all of this and I have seen how powerful that is when I perform. This is why I feel so much pressure because it is important for me to be my own driving force. Yet, it is turning out to be incredibly hard. Everyone needs a mentor and I have had that in my father, Anthony Hawkins, vocalist and lead guitarist of the Black Merda Band . His example, teachings, direction, love, support, etc. is the reason that I am the woman, the musician that I am today. Nevertheless, I have taken on more with choosing marketing as my back up career. When it comes to integrating the two, marketing and music, I am the first to take it to the level that I am striving for. Heck, I am the first of his children to graduate from college.
My pursuits are what sometimes motivate me to get out of bed. On the other hand, they are occasionally what keeps me under the covers. I am determined to realize my dreams even if I have to ammend them as I go along. There are a lot of things that I am doing that are right and I know that they will lead me to being who I am meant to be. What worries me is that it is obvious that there are things that I am doing wrong also. So for now, figuring out which is which has taken its place on my list of things to do. Overwhelmed or not, I will get better. But hey, that's just me.

Inspiration

Sunday was my first performance of the songs off my album and it was awesome! I was so comfortable and I sounded really good. I wish I could have put together a complete show (i.e. dancers, background singers, full band). However, I believe I made up for it with my performance. It is amazing how 17 minutes can make such a big difference! I can't describe the high I got from hearing the applause, in the middle of my song(!!!!), and the reaction of the crowd was infectious. I have known all my life that I wanted to sing, but this last performance has definitely sealed my fate, I am meant to do this.
Growing up in a musical family, for me, has been truly been a blessing in so many ways. Music has gotten me and my family through some really tough times. Writing songs, singing them, recording them, etc. is like therapy for me, and I know for a fact my dad and siblings feel the same way. That is part of the reason why I have chosen to pursue a music career. The other reason is I love being able to touch people's lives.
After Sunday's show I received emails, Myspace messages and friend requests, all because of my performance and my song, Knowing. The song itself was my way of getting my feelings out about my first love lying and leaving me and now I know (because of my album & performance) that other people identify with the song. They see themselves, even if they feel like the song was written about them. That is so HUGE! And it feels AMAZING!
I get discouraged and I get disappointed in how far I have to go with not only this album but my career as a recording artist period. However, in those 17 minutes I realized that I have what it takes to be successful. I have to keep pushing forward, no matter how I am feeling or how bleak the outlook might be. From now on I am on a mission to do whatever it takes (within reason and moral restraints) to be successful and to fulfill my destiny. But hey, that's just me.