August 11

August 11th, I don't know what I expected to feel today. All that comes to mind is empty & angry. Numb almost because outside of the anger I really don't feel anything. Funny for someone who is so emotional. Since my mom died its all I feel, just anger. Then with Lavel's death my anger increased, 12-fold. I know that seems like an exaggeration, but that's what it feels like to me.
More still I don't know what I expected from my family and loved ones (friends). I don't know anyone who has experienced what I have. Therefore I can't expect anyone to really try and do anything for me.
Oh well, I used to it, being alone. In fact I'm good at it. I have no other choice but to accept who I am and in doing this I am accepting what has happened to me, to my family. I gotta find my own peace. I don't think I have any other choice. But hey, that's just me.