August 11

August 11th, I don't know what I expected to feel today. All that comes to mind is empty & angry. Numb almost because outside of the anger I really don't feel anything. Funny for someone who is so emotional. Since my mom died its all I feel, just anger. Then with Lavel's death my anger increased, 12-fold. I know that seems like an exaggeration, but that's what it feels like to me.
More still I don't know what I expected from my family and loved ones (friends). I don't know anyone who has experienced what I have. Therefore I can't expect anyone to really try and do anything for me.
Oh well, I used to it, being alone. In fact I'm good at it. I have no other choice but to accept who I am and in doing this I am accepting what has happened to me, to my family. I gotta find my own peace. I don't think I have any other choice. But hey, that's just me.

Super heros

What is it about human nature that makes us want to be "super"? Our world is obviously consistent, good vs. evil. Yet, the lines get blurred so often. And what about love? Are evil people capable of love? Are people capable of being truly evil?
These are the questions that run through my mind as I watch "Unbreakable", M Night Shaylaman's ode to comic books. These questions also popped in my head as I read "Justice" by Faye Kellerman. In this book I was more drawn to the "villain" than the hero. The reason? He was a product of his environment. Plain and simple, he was broken. Young and trapped in a life that never allowed him to love, at least not without it resulting in death.
I guess, no I know, I am compassionate to a fault. My compassion got me my kid, and in a world that is obviously good & evil, compassion just might be what keeps me good and not evil. But hey, that's just me.