Looking for Love in All The..

Men and women. Fundamentally we are the same. Made of flesh and blood, in need of food, water, air, and shelter to survive. Yet we are also fundamentally different. According to biology this is derived from chromosomes. Women tend to be more bilateral in the use of their brain, they can switch readily between the left and right hemispheres in various situations. Men tend to be more lateral in thinking. They either favor the left hemisphere (analytical, logical, factual, facts & figures oriented) or the right hemisphere (emotional, creative, artistic, romantic, and expressive of feelings).
Now all of this is fascinating I'm sure. At least it was for me, however it does not bring me any closer to understanding men. And in light of that, I'm sure it doesn't bring men any closer to understanding women.
So here in lies my personal dilemma. Currently I am alone. No boyfriend, no man, no husband, no one. Frankly, this is not a state that I choose to be in. But I feel as if I have no choice to be in. I have had my share of good and bad relationships. I believe that once I was with my soul mate. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control we were split up. This was (as he tactfully pointed out) almost 10 years ago. And although I still have very deep and very powerful feelings for him, 10 years has put ( what I fear) to much of a distance between us.
Still I search for that closeness, that unspoken passion, that stuff that day dreams are made of. It was so easy 10 years ago, but I was young, naive, and I had no concern for "understanding" the opposite sex what so ever. Ah, young love.
Alas, here in the present I long for that understanding. Mainly because I believe that understanding will bring me to a state of trust. Ah Ha! Did you catch it? I, surprise, surprise, have trust issues with men.
No, it is not because of my father, grandfather, or any other man related to me. I have and I have had wonderful, open, and ( say it with me people) honest relationships with all of the men in my family.
No, my dis-trust stems from the three men in my life that I trusted completely and they basically took my trust and flushed it down the proverbial toilet. Needless to say I still love each of them. Each for different reasons and in different ways. Yet, those experiences hinder me from being able to get close to another man. To really let someone in.
I feel like the only way I can ever trust again is to understand the male species. However, this plight of understanding is almost impossible without first getting close to the guy.
WHEW! Self-discovery can really be frightening. I guess for now I'll just take baby steps with the potentially right for me men that I encounter. I've made a sort of peace with being alone, but only for now. I am determined to trust again, determined to love and be loved again. But hey, that's just me.